The only way to get on with something is probably to go through it once more. I did it, went through every bit of the past and deleted them. That's the way to welcome new things isn't it?

It's been a week. I've been thinking if I made the right move to fight that night. My mind has been saying 'look, if you've not gotten yourself into this, you wouldn't be worrying right now' I've said no commitments for now, I'll wait. But why is there a sense of insecurity? I've told you not to doubt me, but why am I the one doubting now? I know settling down isn't easy but somehow not hearing from you make me feel like I'm really not on the priority list at all. Am I really precious to you? Do I cross your mind while you're there?

You said the three words, I told you I won't say that back yet. Did u mean those words? They really did warm my heart. I've not heard someone say them to me in a while. Those tight hugs, what did they mean to you?

What did I got myself into? That's a question that's been on my mind ever since the first day of 2014. Was it really my fault? Did I really do something so wrong to deserve this? I was really unwilling to leave. We had a wonderful night, more than what I could ask for, it wasn't supposed to end this way. I'm at the brink. Almost not able to stand this anymore. But I don't want to appear needy or clingy, I don't want to push you away. What happened to not going to let me go? What happened to that wish you wished for? Is this all a joke, if it is, it's enough, this guilt trip has been long enough. Please end this joke... I feel every minute ticking away.

The insecurities sets in, the negative thoughts couldn't stop flooding me. All I could think of is how many friends do I really have left? How many are going to be there when I need them to be? Or is it me not putting in the effort? Now that everyone is gng in different directions, what do we do?

The other day I had a meltdown at work. I guess majority of it came from the negative thoughts in me recently. I'm not like that, I can normally hold it. But that day, I just crashed. And I couldn't stop. What happened? Where do I go from here? Where do I find happiness? Guide me, someone. All I see is darkness at the end of the tunnel.

This last lap hasn't been easy. I've lost the drive to focus and study hard. Why? Do I not want my second upper anymore? I can do this, last one. Just 2 more days, let's cherish this. Focus on how far we've gotten. FOCUS.

There's no more time to waste. Left with just one week to exams and at this point in time I realize how much I still have undone, how unfamiliar I'm w my basics, I'm starting to freak out. Focus, that's what I need right now. With just 3 modules this year, let me aim to get first class in these 3 modules. No more time to procasinate. No more. It's the final lap, lets go!

Have anyone ever thought about what happens if one day they learnt that they got some illness and doesn't have much time left?

So often we would naturally answer this qns with:'I'll treasure those remaining days I have' or 'I'll do what I have been wanting to do'. But really if we face this situation, is that what we'll say or do?

I'll probably want to let everyone I care about know I cared about them and that I've loved them and thank them for being part of my life. There're some people in my life that have no idea about this. Some words I just can't bring myself to tell them. Some I think I'll probably not see anymore in my life. I'd want to read the diary I've kept abt those moments I've treasured again and again, to relive those moments. I'd want the people I wrote about to know.

Maybe I'll tell someone about this blog and hopefully this person will help me convey the message.

Having been in the best of health in recent months, can't find the courage to do a health check as well. What happens if it turns out bad? I can't find the courage to face it.

You once made me feel like I was special.