Just take me down memory lane.
Ahh, should i get this bag??? Saw it at the flea and i really hate myself now for not getting it for a freaking 25 bucks. Now this preorder one will cost me 38 bucks. It's of pretty good quality i'd say. Am waiting for Yx's good news. Hope she can find it in BKK. Hahahas.
Right now, i'm having insomnia. Had a headache earlier from sleeping too much today. I woke up at like 1pm and then eat and went slp again all the way till 6pm. And now i cant sleep anymore.
Pretty much looking forward to having school with my bestie everyday. :D Am super thankful that we got into the same class again. :D Going to classes together, working in the same project group, going shopping after school together, omg, i like!
Oh and we've both self declared leave for this tues, wed and fri! Isnt that awesome? Hahahahas! We're not bad students, it's just that week 1's lectures are totally a waste of time! We're just trying not to waste our youth. Hahahas. Hokay, and reminder to self, i must go appeal into jap.
Sometimes i think that it's the small things that really make us happy. But everytime these small little gesture of acceptance that bring great happiness comes, great disappointment will follow. Idk why either. Not once did i feel prolonged happiness.
Was reading some richass girls blogs earlier. Looking at them makes me want to lead their lives. But i'm just thinking, will it be just this period of their lives? It's not good to feel great now and then suffer for the rest of your life. Oh well, but who knows, maybe life's too short to think about all these.
Whenever friends around me talk about how they want to slim down and all, i get irritated. I dont know. I admit that i'm not the perfect size, but i dont think i am fat either. And neither do i think that those around me who keeps yabbering about their sizes are. Seriously my friends, let's all accept how we look? I admit that sometimes i do want to shave some fats off my body as well, especially the bottom part of my body. But i dont go on and on about it. If we, i'd say average size girls, keep going on and on about our sizes, what do you think those plus size girls will think? I think many of them may commit suicide because of us. If i'm one plus size girl, i'd just lose all my self esteem and kill myself. Seriously. No offence my friends, i'm just trying to tell all of you that you all look great already.
And you know what, time really flies. It's alr a yr ever since. And yet everything is still so vivid. If you ask me if i want to erase my memory away, i'd say sometimes that thought really goes through my mind. That horrible feeling i got just now nearly killed me. Maybe not to the extent of kill, but made me really uncomfortable. My whole body literally turned cold and a whole chill really went through my body from head to toe. I still feel dumb that i cant convince myself. Just 4 more days and it was when you changed my life a yr ago. Ive nv been treated that way in my life in the past 18 years of my life. For that really short period of time, i felt so loved, so happy that i found myself smiling to myself constantly. Right till now, whenever i am at somewhr familiar, memories will pop up into my mind. Constantly reminding me of what had happened. What we couldve been. I'd always been thinking, if all these have not happened, will things be the way they are today? I'm still happy and grateful for the few moments you give me now and then. But sometimes i think would i be happier without them? Would i? Actually i think you still care, i think you do check me out still. And it makes me think if you do read and find out about my life. If you really do, this is what i want to tell you. I dont like the coldness in the warmth that you give to me. But i still love you. And idk since when and till when. Do you know that my whole diary is filled with you, you and you only. Ive even had the thought that if one day i am dying, i'd ask for someone to bring that to you. Just like in the movies. And will you then regret your decision? Or will you just not care like what you're doing now? Right now i just know that i've hurt myself really badly from loving you. The harder i try, the harder it gets.
If only i can not mind, so it will all not matter.
Ahh, should i get this bag??? Saw it at the flea and i really hate myself now for not getting it for a freaking 25 bucks. Now this preorder one will cost me 38 bucks. It's of pretty good quality i'd say. Am waiting for Yx's good news. Hope she can find it in BKK. Hahahas.