The root of frustration is most often desire. I have been feeling so frustrated about my research paper, about my future. And the root of it is all because I want to do well in it. The more I write my research paper, the more I tell myself how lousy I am. This leads to frustration and thus the lack of motivation to do it. Next, my future. My desire to make it big in the future makes me self-doubt. It is true that I very much want to follow the path I wish to take. But I keep self-doubting myself in terms of whether I will be able to do well at all. Whether I am capable or not. Taking the polytechnic road, I have not regret. However, it has made me lose much motivation along the way. In primary and secondary school, I have always been among the top. As time goes by, throughout the poly years, I see myself dropping in standards. I see how hardworking friends are, but they just cant seem to motivate me. Because it has always been a breeze in the past. I used to think I was above average, but now, I feel that I am just average, like any other people. Many may not know how exactly I am feeling, but seriously, this feeling/ thought is making me feel.. I cant find a word to describe this feeling. Although I know that as long as I work hard, put in much effort, I will be able to get to where I want to be, but the push factor is not there at all. Which is why I wish to take a break from everything. But how contradicting it may be, I do not wish to waste time at all.

I have been reading this pretty inspiring book and I kind of agree with this one part of the book regarding emotional wounds. You know many times, when we suffer from emotional hurt, we talk to friends. This is when friends will normally give you advices and what you should do and what you should not. You will then tend to give yourself a time period where you aim to get over this pain you're feeling. But all these just leads to you getting more pain, because you're constantly reminding yourself of it by trying too hard to get over it. It is most often when we do not try to get over it that it heals faster. Because at the point when we got the wound, it is already in the process of healing. All we need when we are hurt is someone who can tolerate the pain that we're feeling and be there for you, without giving any advices.